So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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