Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
