Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
