Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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