He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize