Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
