he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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