she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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