this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
