I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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