I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
