she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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