Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
