This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
