there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
