Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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