Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
