if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
