I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So squirting runs in the family.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I just sharted jello shots
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