i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
