Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
