No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
