Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
