I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
