forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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