Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
one two three fourrrrnication!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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