oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
