my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
A+ Viking dick
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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