Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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