i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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