i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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