Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
