I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
