I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
