your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
