can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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