I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just found puke in my bra..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
