having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
