I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
