Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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