I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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