we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
do nipples grow back?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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