I seem to have left my pride at pride
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
