dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
