She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
