lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Randomize
