your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
