I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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