I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
