gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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