Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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