she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
