I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
