Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
