I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
