how do flat chested girls get laid?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
