is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
