really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
