I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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