I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
