Grow some girl-balls and come out already
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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