I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm like, not good at living.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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