and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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