Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
