Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
