Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
