btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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