I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
