I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
