my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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