Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
