it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
