I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
